I was born blind.
I grew up with the inherited stigma my parents felt about having a son who had been born blind.
They felt somehow they must have sinned against God for this to happen. They loved me, I know they did, but I also know without ever seeing their faces that every time they looked at me, or when I was older helped me to my place to beg, they were reminded of their sin.
It was never named, this 'sin', but like the runt of the litter of pups, I was cared for, was loved but them, but was a constant source of embarrassment to them. There are, you see, some things you know, you don't need eyes that see to know them.
One Sabbath day though, everything changed, yes, I mean everything.
When you beg, as is have done for many years, you learn to listen intently to some conversations, but filter out others which aren't as interesting or important.
This particular day, I heard a group of men walking together & as men do, discussing the world. My ears pricked up as I heard one ask of another 'Teacher, who sinned that this man was born blind?'
Oh-ho, I thought, I wish my parents were here to hear this discussion. Then, the Teacher spoke..... I knew He had to be the teacher for I'd not heard anyone speak with the kind of authority this guy did. I could picture Him in my my mind....He was probably a Pharisee, but if He was, He would have nothing to do with the likes of me, the dregs of society.
He spoke about doing the work of God whilst it was still light, because darkness would come soon.
Inside, I laughed, my life was full of darkness, yes, I could feel the heat of the sun & the difference with the coolness of the evening when the sun goes down, but light & dark? They were all the same to me. Still I was interested to hear His reply to their, well, let's be honest, to the question that had followed me throughout all my life.
His reply, actually everything about Jesus, for that was His name. His words, His voice, His authority surprised me. I remembered then that I had heard many others talk of Him, this healer from Galilee who worked miracles. He said to those following Him, 'Neither this man, nor his parents sinned, that isn't even the right question to ask! No, he was born blind that the glory of God might be seen through him.'
Well, what can you say in response to that? It left me with more questions than my brain had room to ask, but before either the men with Him, or I could ask any further questions, I heard someone spit on the ground.
I was grateful they'd missed me this time & expected they would move on & would miss the rest of the discussion, but a few seconds later I felt someone touch my eyes, spreading something on them. Then I heard Him, Jesus that is speak again, to me! He told me to go & wash in the pool called Sent. Well I wasn't far from that, I knew of it, I'd drunk from it, but didn't go too near it for if my helpers had to leave me, I didn't want to fall into it, so The place from which I begged was some distance from it.
People helped me to the pool & I knelt, feeling for the water which was deliciously cool despite the heat of the day. I washed off what felt like drying clay from my eyes & when I had done so, you won't believe what happened, but, I could see. I could see the ripples on the water, I could see people around me I could see them watching me. I COULD SEE!
My helpers, neighbours & friends couldn't believe it. Some who didn't know me well said I wasn't really the man born blind who used to beg just over there. I could look at them, I could see them & I told them, 'Yes, I am the guy who used to beg over there, I was born blind, but look, I can see.'
I know my whole face was alight with the smile that radiated from somewhere deep within me, but how could I not be filled with joy, I was blind, now I could see.
I told them the truth 'The man they call Jesus got some mud, put it on my eyes, told me to go wash in the Sent pool & when I did, I could see!' They wanted to know where He was, well I hadn't heard Him since I had washed in the pool, so I couldn't tell them.
They all decided I should go to the Pharisees, well I was still a bit dazed, but I thought this Jesus might be with them so I went there. They asked me the same question about how I had received my sight, so I told them the same thing 'He put mud on my eyes, told me to go & wash, I did & then I could see!'
I still didn't hear that voice of Jesus anywhere as they began discussing amongst themselves as to whether this Jesus was a sinner because He had healed on the Sabbath day. I remember thinking that a Sabbath day was the best day of all to be bringing glory to God & worshipping Him, which I was doing as joy indescribable was filling me.
Finally they turned to talk to me, I could see them turn, you won't understand what a joy that is, I didn't just hear the rustling of robes, but I could see them turn & look at me. They asked me then, 'What do you say about Him?' 'Well' I answered, 'He must at the very least be some sort of prophet.'
They still argued as I watched them & listened to them. What they were saying seemed so utterly trivial, could they not see, these people who had always been able to see, could they not see that I was blind, now I could see?
Still they discussed & argued about whether I had actually been blind. I wanted to laugh, but then they brought in my parents.
I saw them for the first time. They looked older than I'd imagined, smaller, bowed down by, well I don't know what, but weighed down. They looked fearful.
The Pharisees asked them, 'Is this your son? Do you still say he was born blind? How is it then that he can now see?'
My heart lurched as I looked at my poor bemused parents, so scared that their hard won standing in the community should be lost by saying they believed in Jesus' healing power because they could see the result of it in their own son.
I remembered then that the Pharisees had said that they would put out from the synagogue anyone who declared they believed His teaching. I felt deeply for these people who had loved & cared for me, their son, despite all the pain my being blind had caused them. I wanted them to meet Jesus, to hear what He had said before He healed me.
They were scared & their reply showed how scared they were, but even in their reply they showed they knew I had been healed by a miracle. They told the Pharisees that I was their son, but for anything else, to ask me, I was of age, it wasn't for them to answer for me. I admired them for that reply, for their faith in me to give an answer.
The Pharisees then asked me to tell the truth about what had happened saying now that they knew this Jesus to be a sinner! I simply told them 'I don't know whether He is a sinner, what I do know & am telling you the truth, I was blind, now, I can see!'
They asked again how He had opened my eyes? By this time I was getting a little confused, Why did they keep asking the same question these learned men of God?
I said 'I've told you a number of times what happened, why do you want to hear it yet again? Do you want to follow Him too?' I couldn't see why they couldn't understand.
I hadn't expected the anger & the venom they replied with. I'd known what it was being spat at before, but that was in derision, this was different, more sinister somehow. They spat their words to me in fury 'You must be one of His disciples, we are disciples of our father Moses. We know God spoke to Moses, but where this Jesus bloke is from, we have no idea!'
How could they say that? How could they not know? He had given this blind man the gift of sight, He had brought light into my dark world, He had brough freedom to my life, how could they then not know where He was from. How could anyone who was a sinner do the things that only God Himself can do? Whoever heard of a man being born blind yet made to see. It couldn't be anything other than the power of God, could it?
Their final retort simply made me laugh, as they instructed I be thrown out of the synagogue 'Surely you were steeped in sin at birth, get him out of here!' They thought they had all the answers, they were the teachers yet they knew nothing. My parents didn't need to fear them, they were fools who although not blind as I had been for so many years were nonetheless grovelling in a darkness far worse than mine had been, for they couldn't see what was standing in front of them!
As I went from the synagogue into the sunlight, I'd never realised how gloriously golden sunlight is & how it illuminates all it touches, I saw Him! I realised then that I didn't need to hear Him, I knew it was Him.
He asked me whether I believed in the Son of Man. I found myself replying 'Tell me who He is Sir, that I may believe'. As I said those words, I knew, I saw, I realised what He would say, who He really was. Jesus said '“You have now seen Him; in fact, He is the one speaking with you.”
I knew it, I'd guessed it, I'd realised it, so when He told me, I simply bowed down before Him & worshipped. What else was there to do?
This was the Messiah. He was God's Son of Man & He had done what the prophet of old had said, He had brought what I had, with all my new found sight only dimly glimpsed until that moment, He had brought freedom for this captive, sight for this blind man, joy instead of mourning, a cloak of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
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