Jesus invited us, Peter, James & I to go up with him on the mountainside to pray. Although we were all tired, I was delighted for I truly wanted to know just how He prayed & how He drew such strength from His Father through those times. Yet, that wasn't actually what happened.
We climbed up together but then Jesus moved away from us. As He drew away from us slightly, I was aware of that kind of tingling you get when there is almost a spark of anticipation (it comes more often being with Jesus than it ever did before) that crackle of being infinitely in the present moment & being in the presence of God.
I looked up at Jesus & as I did so, it was as though He was being clothed from head to toe in light, but not light as we would normally see it, this light had a luminous quality & a brightness & clarity to it that wasn't of the earth. It didn't hurt my eyes in any way, yet it was the brightest of lights I had ever seen. Jesus was utterly transformed. It was still Jesus, but more than Jesus. He was brighter, bigger, totally majestic & awe-inspiring. All His features became more than they were, it's hard to put into words, but His eyes were terrifyingly beautiful & powerful, even more than usual. You knew He would be able to see the very depths of your heart if he were to look at you. His face looked just like the sun in all it's splendour & the three of us were bathed in the light from Him, a light which transformed us just as sunlight transforms that which it touches in its radiance.
As we watched and my eyes became used to seeing this light from Him, I saw that there were two others with Him. I thought to begin with it might have been James & Peter as I had been so wrapped up in this scene before me, but they were just as absorbed by it all as I was. None of us were sleepy any more!
As I looked more closely, I saw it was Moses & Elijah with Jesus, speaking to Him in a way that they had clearly known Him so deeply & so well. I guess that was only to be expected. Yet even in this, I just knew this was a new thing we were seeing, a culmination & a bringing together of both the Torah & Prophetic teaching. Not a superseding, but a glorious marriage of them both & it seemed to me of all history to this very moment.
They looked as though they were about to leave when Peter then got up & said he'd build a shelter for the three of them & for us to stay there. I understood what he wanted & why he wanted to stay there, because it was the kind of place & kind of sight that you could gaze on forever & never become bored with. I also knew that there was no way this was going to happen, no way Jesus would allow this & no way this was something that you could stay simply looking at. Just as Peter had finished speaking a glorious cloud began to descend on the three of them & on us. There was weight to this cloud & I knew that this was what our fathers had seen as they journeyed in the wilderness, this was the cloud of the glorious presence of God!
I was enthralled & then came the Voice! The Voice of God. We heard the voice of God speaking! That was it, we couldn't watch any more. We were flat on our faces in awe, fear, reverence, amazement - too much to explain in mere human words. We heard Him say 'This is My Son, My Beloved, with Whom I am [and have always been] delighted. Listen to Him!' We were hearing the very Voice of the Almighty. We were disciples following the Beloved of The Lord. My mind struggled with the fullness of all we had seen & experienced & time stood still......
The next thing I remember was hearing the voice of Jesus. You know, I realise now the reason He always spoke with power is because His voice was like His Father's voice & carried that same authority. When I looked up, it was simply the Jesus we had known & loved, telling us not to be afraid. I realised then that the terror we had felt was a holy terror, not like fear in the human sense, but a different kind of fear. Jesus was as He had always been & yet, I certainly couldn't see Him as the same as before we had been up that mountainside & seen what we had seen & heard what we had heard.
Peter & James asked Him questions about Elijah coming before the Christ & I simply listened to them all, as everything Jesus said in answer to their questions fell into place like a mosaic does when you see the full picture. Of course, John the Baptist had been a kind of Elijah, it was so obvious, why hadn't we seen it before. But actually, I realised, nothing, nothing at all would ever be as it was before.......
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, 31 January 2014
Thursday, 30 January 2014
Just two blind beggars - Matthew 20:30-34
I'd waited for this day, it seemed I'd waited for this day all my life. I was with Reuben, as usual. We were always together & we'd spoken much about Jesus & about what we had heard about Him being able to heal & restore sight, as well as much more. Well, we didn't care about the much more, but we cared about being able to see! The problem for us both was that neither of us had any family who would take us to Jesus & we only had each other as friends - who wants to be a friend of the blind man who sits begging?
Anyway we'd decided that the only way to get His attention was to shout & scream until He heard us. What should we shout was our next question? We needed Him to know we believed in who He says He is, so after much discussion we decided we'd shout 'Adonai, have mercy on us, oh Son of David'.
We knew we had to time it just right you see, so we had to shout it in unison, in order for Him to hear us above the crowd. He was unlikely to see us - most people don't. We fade into the background of their lives, just part of the scenery.
We heard the crowd long before they arrived, we waited, we waited & then we both knew it was THE time. We yelled as loud as we possibly could, in unison, together in our overwhelming desire for this one chance at healing. 'Adonai, have mercy on us, oh Son of David'.
The first thing that happened was that the crowd must have seen us, they sure did hear us because they told us to be still & shut up! They didn't think Jesus wants to be bothered with the likes of us - blind beggars, part of the distasteful side of life. Reuben & I didn't care, we yelled again, louder this time, because we were scared, this one chance couldn't pass us by, it just couldn't.
'Adonai, have mercy on us, oh Son of David'.
We could hear the crowd had stopped moving, I think my heart stopped with the crowd as an eternity passed & we waited to see what would happen next.
He called us, HE called us by name, He knew our names! He didn't just call out 'Hey you two blind beggars' He called our names. We helped each other up, as we always did & then some of the people in the crowd took us the few steps to Him. We knew it was Him when He asked us what we wanted Him to do for us - there is something in His voice you know, something that you don't hear very often like hearing an animal attack in order to protect her cubs so powerful, yet gentle at the same time.
We told Him we simply wanted to see. It's all we wanted, it's everything we wanted, just to be able to have our eyes opened.
Next thing I knew, Reuben gave a shout, 'I can see, I can see!' But before I had time to wonder or to think anything any longer, I felt a touch on my eyes; He touched my eyes, such a light touch but it had such heat from it, right through my eyes & into my whole being, just like the sun in all it's strength warming me in my whole body. Suddenly I was aware; I could feel my eyes. I could open them. I could see!
Reuben & I hadn't thought beyond being healed, hadn't thought about what we'd do if we were healed, but actually there wasn't any doubt after we had been healed, no discussion was needed, no question once we were able to see. No question because all we could do was worship Him & follow Him. Our sight wasn't everything as we'd thought, because HE was everything.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Anyway we'd decided that the only way to get His attention was to shout & scream until He heard us. What should we shout was our next question? We needed Him to know we believed in who He says He is, so after much discussion we decided we'd shout 'Adonai, have mercy on us, oh Son of David'.
We knew we had to time it just right you see, so we had to shout it in unison, in order for Him to hear us above the crowd. He was unlikely to see us - most people don't. We fade into the background of their lives, just part of the scenery.
We heard the crowd long before they arrived, we waited, we waited & then we both knew it was THE time. We yelled as loud as we possibly could, in unison, together in our overwhelming desire for this one chance at healing. 'Adonai, have mercy on us, oh Son of David'.
The first thing that happened was that the crowd must have seen us, they sure did hear us because they told us to be still & shut up! They didn't think Jesus wants to be bothered with the likes of us - blind beggars, part of the distasteful side of life. Reuben & I didn't care, we yelled again, louder this time, because we were scared, this one chance couldn't pass us by, it just couldn't.
'Adonai, have mercy on us, oh Son of David'.
We could hear the crowd had stopped moving, I think my heart stopped with the crowd as an eternity passed & we waited to see what would happen next.
He called us, HE called us by name, He knew our names! He didn't just call out 'Hey you two blind beggars' He called our names. We helped each other up, as we always did & then some of the people in the crowd took us the few steps to Him. We knew it was Him when He asked us what we wanted Him to do for us - there is something in His voice you know, something that you don't hear very often like hearing an animal attack in order to protect her cubs so powerful, yet gentle at the same time.
We told Him we simply wanted to see. It's all we wanted, it's everything we wanted, just to be able to have our eyes opened.
Next thing I knew, Reuben gave a shout, 'I can see, I can see!' But before I had time to wonder or to think anything any longer, I felt a touch on my eyes; He touched my eyes, such a light touch but it had such heat from it, right through my eyes & into my whole being, just like the sun in all it's strength warming me in my whole body. Suddenly I was aware; I could feel my eyes. I could open them. I could see!
Reuben & I hadn't thought beyond being healed, hadn't thought about what we'd do if we were healed, but actually there wasn't any doubt after we had been healed, no discussion was needed, no question once we were able to see. No question because all we could do was worship Him & follow Him. Our sight wasn't everything as we'd thought, because HE was everything.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
Walking on water
I am beginning to try a new way of reading parts of the gospels. Imagining myself to be one of the central characters in the narrative & using the biblical text as my basis. Last week I read Matthew 14:24-31from Peter's perspective.........
We were out in the boat, that dark time just before dawn. There was no storm, but it was windy - lots of 'white horses' on the lake. Jesus had gone to pray - an all-nighter again, but we were used to Him doing that.
Then we saw something coming towards us as we were in the boat, something light, but not a light, just lighter than the darkness we expected. It looked like Jesus, but it couldn't be could it - He was praying on shore & there was no boat. Was it a spirit He had sent? Yet it looked just like Him, the closer He got.
Someone in the boat called out to the figure, we were a bit spooked by this point. It was Jesus - He told us not to be afraid & said 'I AM' Yahweh - that shook us, but only in that way that you'd known something, but not completely known it, just not fully realised it. At theat point it made perfect sense to me, He was at the dawn of creation as part of the GodHead, so, of course He can walk on water, He can do whatever He likes for His power over His creation is faultless.
I want to see what it's like to walk on water, so I call out that if it really is Jesus, call me to come to Him. I knew it was Him - who else could it be? I stepped out of the boat on to the water, it felt funny - a bit like being on a bed filled with water, or in a boat made of tarpaulins. I began to walk to Him, keeping Him in my gaze, then one of those white horses lapped over my feet & my legs & I freaked out - if that had happened it meant I was beginning to sink. At that point I was terrified I was going to die - why do I do stupid things like this, I should have stopped & thought before I got out of the boat - I'm a fisherman, I can't walk on water for goodness sake. I screamed out to Jesus in terror.
I must have been nearer to Him than I thought because He reached out His hand & I was fine, I was stood next to Him on the water. When He asked what I was afraid of, telling me I shouldn't have doubted, I couldn't state the obvious, (Er, the waves, walking on water, sinking etc.) because He was still holding my hand & nothing in all of creation was as safe as Him holding on to my hand. Why had I freaked? He was there, there isn't any need to freak whist His right hand is there holding mine!
We climbed back into the boat, but I was subdued by this point, trying to assimilate just what had happened, but also the knowledge I now knew of who Jesus was, is & evermore shall be!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
We were out in the boat, that dark time just before dawn. There was no storm, but it was windy - lots of 'white horses' on the lake. Jesus had gone to pray - an all-nighter again, but we were used to Him doing that.
Then we saw something coming towards us as we were in the boat, something light, but not a light, just lighter than the darkness we expected. It looked like Jesus, but it couldn't be could it - He was praying on shore & there was no boat. Was it a spirit He had sent? Yet it looked just like Him, the closer He got.
Someone in the boat called out to the figure, we were a bit spooked by this point. It was Jesus - He told us not to be afraid & said 'I AM' Yahweh - that shook us, but only in that way that you'd known something, but not completely known it, just not fully realised it. At theat point it made perfect sense to me, He was at the dawn of creation as part of the GodHead, so, of course He can walk on water, He can do whatever He likes for His power over His creation is faultless.
I want to see what it's like to walk on water, so I call out that if it really is Jesus, call me to come to Him. I knew it was Him - who else could it be? I stepped out of the boat on to the water, it felt funny - a bit like being on a bed filled with water, or in a boat made of tarpaulins. I began to walk to Him, keeping Him in my gaze, then one of those white horses lapped over my feet & my legs & I freaked out - if that had happened it meant I was beginning to sink. At that point I was terrified I was going to die - why do I do stupid things like this, I should have stopped & thought before I got out of the boat - I'm a fisherman, I can't walk on water for goodness sake. I screamed out to Jesus in terror.
I must have been nearer to Him than I thought because He reached out His hand & I was fine, I was stood next to Him on the water. When He asked what I was afraid of, telling me I shouldn't have doubted, I couldn't state the obvious, (Er, the waves, walking on water, sinking etc.) because He was still holding my hand & nothing in all of creation was as safe as Him holding on to my hand. Why had I freaked? He was there, there isn't any need to freak whist His right hand is there holding mine!
We climbed back into the boat, but I was subdued by this point, trying to assimilate just what had happened, but also the knowledge I now knew of who Jesus was, is & evermore shall be!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, 21 December 2012
The most moving Carol Service ever?
Yesterday I attended the most amazing Carol Service! Was it amazing because it was in a cathedral with incredible acoustics & a fabulous choir? Nope!
It was in a dirty barn with pigeons flying about. The music was provided by a Salvation Army band - wonderful, but that wasn't the most wonderful part.
The people taking the bulk of the parts in the service were adults with Special Needs, and before you jump to conclusions about feeling sorry for them or any other patronising judgement, that wasn't why it was so marvellous. It was marvellous because they took so much joy in their singing, their whole personalities shone through their clear enjoyment of singing & worshipping God through their singing. It wasn't the most tuneful rendition of the songs, but I think it would have been hard to beat in terms of grit, determination & sheer joy & enthusiasm.
As I sat in that dirty barn getting colder & colder, my heart grew warmer & warmer still as that indefinable magical thing happened and part of heaven touched earth, just as it had in a mega way so long ago in a very different stable. Yet, just as Jesus' birth then caused the marginalised within society to come & worship, so yesterday those who may in many ways be written off by our society as being of little use & only to be pitied - 'There but for the grace of God' we might say. Yet, heaven touched earth in that stable with the Olympic torch as a star & the two wise men (because one was ill), arrived on mountain bikes & we joined with those who struggled with their own difficulties to read, sing & act out the wonderful truth of the birth of Jesus. There was no fake baby, but the presence of Jesus touched every single person there!
It was in a dirty barn with pigeons flying about. The music was provided by a Salvation Army band - wonderful, but that wasn't the most wonderful part.
The people taking the bulk of the parts in the service were adults with Special Needs, and before you jump to conclusions about feeling sorry for them or any other patronising judgement, that wasn't why it was so marvellous. It was marvellous because they took so much joy in their singing, their whole personalities shone through their clear enjoyment of singing & worshipping God through their singing. It wasn't the most tuneful rendition of the songs, but I think it would have been hard to beat in terms of grit, determination & sheer joy & enthusiasm.
As I sat in that dirty barn getting colder & colder, my heart grew warmer & warmer still as that indefinable magical thing happened and part of heaven touched earth, just as it had in a mega way so long ago in a very different stable. Yet, just as Jesus' birth then caused the marginalised within society to come & worship, so yesterday those who may in many ways be written off by our society as being of little use & only to be pitied - 'There but for the grace of God' we might say. Yet, heaven touched earth in that stable with the Olympic torch as a star & the two wise men (because one was ill), arrived on mountain bikes & we joined with those who struggled with their own difficulties to read, sing & act out the wonderful truth of the birth of Jesus. There was no fake baby, but the presence of Jesus touched every single person there!
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Preparations & Advent
We are about a week away from the beginning of Advent & the more official Countdown to Christmas. Advent is actually a time of preparation, despite the shops having begun their advent almost as soon as the dreadful Halloween is done & dusted!
I am one of those strange & unusual people who seem to invoke fury, pity & envy in equal measures, as I begin my Christmas shopping very early. It is partly the element of my personality that cannot cope with crowds & likes everything to be organised, partly too that my daughter's birthday & mine fall in December, before Christmas & I have always resented them being gobbled up by any stress of Christmas preparations so make certain they are not, & finally because I love the season of Advent & of preparation & anticipation so much, I want to enjoy it & can't do so if I'm battling with everyone else!
I was intrigued by a conversation I had with a friend who, when talking of Christmas said - "I actually prefer the lead up to Christmas rather than the day itself." I know what she means, yet am so saddened by it. Our society's obsession with 'stuff' & the acquiring of it; the perfectionism portrayed in advertising of the 'perfect Christmas' & all that you 'must have' in order to achieve it; the perennial hoards who flock to the shopping centres to create that perfection, all go together to form a sense of collective mission. People talk in shops at this time of year. The sense of community is born again within this time of Advent, even if it is a kind of frenetic version of Advent & unlike the kind of preparation I think was envisaged when people first coined the word. (Ask anyone in the street what Advent means to them & most would say Chocolate Calendar!)
I feel that this all goes to sum up our society in some small way! We are so caught up in the consumerism & perfectionism portrayed on the billboards, radio & TV of what Christmas is all about & what you need to make the perfect Christmas & we get so caught up in it that when we come to the day itself, it never lives up to the picture we have created in our minds. If only we could enjoy the journey there for its own pleasure - the joint venture with others, the sense of community so lost to us for most of the rest of the year, the joy of selecting & giving of presents then maybe, just maybe we would feel the sense of satisfaction & of achievement when we came to Christmas Day that I'm sure God felt when, finally after all the preparations, Jesus, the Saviour was born in a cave at the back of a small inn in Bethlehem. That birth totally went against the perfectionist view of how the Savour of the world should come & there isn't an ad agency in all of time that would have used that reality as an illustration for their perfect Christmas, yet God's way of doing things meant there wasn't an ideal to live up to & fail, or be disappointed by or feel that sense of hopelessness from, no, God's way was to show that the preparations led to the very, very best gift of all, who managed to cut through all the hype & perfectionism to show what is really important & in that, we can rejoice & enjoy Christmas.
'Glory to God in the highest & peace to men (& women) on earth'
Merry Christmas!
I am one of those strange & unusual people who seem to invoke fury, pity & envy in equal measures, as I begin my Christmas shopping very early. It is partly the element of my personality that cannot cope with crowds & likes everything to be organised, partly too that my daughter's birthday & mine fall in December, before Christmas & I have always resented them being gobbled up by any stress of Christmas preparations so make certain they are not, & finally because I love the season of Advent & of preparation & anticipation so much, I want to enjoy it & can't do so if I'm battling with everyone else!
I was intrigued by a conversation I had with a friend who, when talking of Christmas said - "I actually prefer the lead up to Christmas rather than the day itself." I know what she means, yet am so saddened by it. Our society's obsession with 'stuff' & the acquiring of it; the perfectionism portrayed in advertising of the 'perfect Christmas' & all that you 'must have' in order to achieve it; the perennial hoards who flock to the shopping centres to create that perfection, all go together to form a sense of collective mission. People talk in shops at this time of year. The sense of community is born again within this time of Advent, even if it is a kind of frenetic version of Advent & unlike the kind of preparation I think was envisaged when people first coined the word. (Ask anyone in the street what Advent means to them & most would say Chocolate Calendar!)
I feel that this all goes to sum up our society in some small way! We are so caught up in the consumerism & perfectionism portrayed on the billboards, radio & TV of what Christmas is all about & what you need to make the perfect Christmas & we get so caught up in it that when we come to the day itself, it never lives up to the picture we have created in our minds. If only we could enjoy the journey there for its own pleasure - the joint venture with others, the sense of community so lost to us for most of the rest of the year, the joy of selecting & giving of presents then maybe, just maybe we would feel the sense of satisfaction & of achievement when we came to Christmas Day that I'm sure God felt when, finally after all the preparations, Jesus, the Saviour was born in a cave at the back of a small inn in Bethlehem. That birth totally went against the perfectionist view of how the Savour of the world should come & there isn't an ad agency in all of time that would have used that reality as an illustration for their perfect Christmas, yet God's way of doing things meant there wasn't an ideal to live up to & fail, or be disappointed by or feel that sense of hopelessness from, no, God's way was to show that the preparations led to the very, very best gift of all, who managed to cut through all the hype & perfectionism to show what is really important & in that, we can rejoice & enjoy Christmas.
'Glory to God in the highest & peace to men (& women) on earth'
Merry Christmas!
Thursday, 15 March 2012
Who would you have to dinner?
I was reading an essay today by the great British writer Dorothy L Sayers. The essay contained her thoughts about feminism & is entitled "Are women human?" I agreed with the majority of what she said & it got me thinking about how I would like to have met her & perhaps been part of a dinner party with her so that conversation might flow freely.
Once that train of thought had begun, I gave it free reign & began to think about the perfect dinner party guest list. I decided that because my reason for going down this imaginary road was due to Dorothy L Sayers, that death, in this instance of a hypothetical dinner party should be no barrier to attendance!
This guest list is entirely personal & would be for each of us & rightly so, for, to quote the lady herself 'We are all individuals'! So my INDIVIDUAL guest list for a dinner party would be:
Dorothy L Sayers: I love the Lord Peter Wimsey books, have read some of her other works & feel we may have similar views on certain issues.
Stephen Fry: I think he is a very interesting & intelligent man who has an integrity & humility not all in his profession possess.
Jill Paton Walsh: Partly because she completed some of Dorothy L Sayers books & I'd like to get them together to see how well they thought that had worked, but partly too because she strikes me as an interesting lady.
Jeff Lucas: He is a Christian speaker who has a wonderfully refreshing sense of the absurdity of much that passes for 'churchianity', yet is a genuinely compassionate human being.
Catherine Marshall: Another author who has had a great influence on my life. She wrote about her journals - her diary of her Christian walk with God.
C S Lewis: Because he combines a great intellect, a love for God & a childlike imagination that I think Jesus would have been very at home with.
Me: Because there is no point having them all there if I'm not!
Finally, but perhaps most interesting of all.....
Jesus: because I think He above everyone would enthral us with his conversation & He loved dinner parties!
How about you? Who would your 7 guests be & why?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Once that train of thought had begun, I gave it free reign & began to think about the perfect dinner party guest list. I decided that because my reason for going down this imaginary road was due to Dorothy L Sayers, that death, in this instance of a hypothetical dinner party should be no barrier to attendance!
This guest list is entirely personal & would be for each of us & rightly so, for, to quote the lady herself 'We are all individuals'! So my INDIVIDUAL guest list for a dinner party would be:
Dorothy L Sayers: I love the Lord Peter Wimsey books, have read some of her other works & feel we may have similar views on certain issues.
Stephen Fry: I think he is a very interesting & intelligent man who has an integrity & humility not all in his profession possess.
Jill Paton Walsh: Partly because she completed some of Dorothy L Sayers books & I'd like to get them together to see how well they thought that had worked, but partly too because she strikes me as an interesting lady.
Jeff Lucas: He is a Christian speaker who has a wonderfully refreshing sense of the absurdity of much that passes for 'churchianity', yet is a genuinely compassionate human being.
Catherine Marshall: Another author who has had a great influence on my life. She wrote about her journals - her diary of her Christian walk with God.
C S Lewis: Because he combines a great intellect, a love for God & a childlike imagination that I think Jesus would have been very at home with.
Me: Because there is no point having them all there if I'm not!
Finally, but perhaps most interesting of all.....
Jesus: because I think He above everyone would enthral us with his conversation & He loved dinner parties!
How about you? Who would your 7 guests be & why?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
My first ever blog!
Considering all the time I spend online doing various different things, I am actually surprised myself that I've never created or posted a blog before. So...... My thoughts......
At the moment my thoughts are that my brain hurts because I am on a course where I am learning new things & at my advanced age, trying to keep up takes much more effort than it used to!
At the moment my thoughts are that my brain hurts because I am on a course where I am learning new things & at my advanced age, trying to keep up takes much more effort than it used to!
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