Well, everything that meant anything. My husband had all but gone, for he was an upright man who feared God & who kept the law, so could have nothing to do with me. If you knew the law of Moses you would know that I am unclean because of my illness.
We lived in the same house, my husband & I but that was all. That was all there could be & all there had been for 12 years. Twelve long, draining years. It felt now as though this problem that I had would overwhelm me.
To begin with we had tried, he had tried, the doctors tried, but one by one eventually they would shake their heads, they would look that way at my husband that showed they had no idea what the problem was & how to treat it.
So, life went on.
I had heard about Jesus from someone who had been to the Decapolis towns & had heard about the weird guy who ran about in the tombs near when you get off the boat there & had heard about how this Jesus had healed him! No, really, He had healed him & now this Simon - no-one had even known his name before, was talking to everyone who would listen about his being healed & set free from demons by this Jesus.
Whoever it was that told me this story told it because Jesus was coming here, to our town. I remember thinking 'If only...' but that was followed up by another feeling that grew inside me & I couldn't put away from my mind, 'If I just touch the hem of His cloak....I don't need to bother Him, or even say why I am doing it..I don't need to draw attention to myself..'
Well I couldn't say, could I, He wouldn't have anything to do with me if I said what was wrong & all the people around would step back, being as I am unclean & I just couldn't deal with that on top of everything else. But I could go, I could just touch His cloak. Everyone knew that there would be crowds surrounding Him, no-one need ever know, but I would be healed if I could touch His cloak.
I'm not sure how I knew that or even why I was so sure. Like I said, it was something that grew inside me, a conviction that wouldn't go away, wouldn't be assuaged, ironically similar to my problem!
So, the day came, I joined the crowd, gradually working my way forward towards Jesus. His disciples couldn't even keep people a distance from Him, it was really a wonder He, they & all of us weren't crushed, but it suited my purpose. My one overriding purpose....to touch His cloak. He had Jairus with Him & they were on their way to Jairus' house. I knew his little girl was sick, so I guessed He was going to heal her. Gradually I got closer, closer, missed several times as another arm jostled mine to touch Him, but then, I did it, I touched His cloak!
The world stood still for a minute as the crowd carried on without me. I stood still because I knew I'd been healed. I knew within my body, within my mind, within my heart I was healed. I knew it every bit as certainly I had known I would be if I could only touch His cloak.
I realised then that the crowd had stopped moving & Jesus Himself was asking a question.
'Who touched my cloak?'
My heart was in my mouth, I was certain He meant me.
I didn't know how He knew, but He did know. His disciples began to protest, telling Him that many people had touched Him, the crowd was all around Him. Still He looked, He kept looking over heads, over & over & then I realised I'd have to say it was me. I really didn't want to, I really just wanted to go home, clean & healed.
I knew as His gaze began to move over towards me I had to own up. I had to say it was me. Ok, well I had no idea what I was going to say, I was terrified, but I fell at His feet. The pain, the anguish & all the upset of twelve years poured out of me as I told Him why & how I'd just known if I touched His cloak, I'd be healed & I was healed. He had healed me.
He bent down & lifted my head, oh so gently & tenderly. The look of love & acceptance in His eyes was so powerful it swept away all my fear & worry. He wasn't going to berate me. He wasn't angry at all with me.
Then, He spoke. To me!
What He said will stay with me forever 'Daughter, your faith & trust in Me has healed you. Go now, do not fear this will return, continue in your healing.' I can't describe how He spoke or explain just how different it seemed from anyone else who had ever spoken to me, but His words, His way, was more the defining moment in my life than even being healed, or at least it seemed so to me in that moment.
Since then, well, I have my life back. Where before there was pain & I just kept my head down & did what I could, keeping myself to myself, now, it was as though sunshine had entered into my life. When He had lifted my head, it was as though He had done so for all the rest of my life. I could hold my head high now, I could live life to the full. I think in the Scriptures King David wrote that 'He is my glory & the lifter of my head.' I claim that too for I knew it to be true. He was. He is & always will be.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
To begin with we had tried, he had tried, the doctors tried, but one by one eventually they would shake their heads, they would look that way at my husband that showed they had no idea what the problem was & how to treat it.
So, life went on.
I had heard about Jesus from someone who had been to the Decapolis towns & had heard about the weird guy who ran about in the tombs near when you get off the boat there & had heard about how this Jesus had healed him! No, really, He had healed him & now this Simon - no-one had even known his name before, was talking to everyone who would listen about his being healed & set free from demons by this Jesus.
Whoever it was that told me this story told it because Jesus was coming here, to our town. I remember thinking 'If only...' but that was followed up by another feeling that grew inside me & I couldn't put away from my mind, 'If I just touch the hem of His cloak....I don't need to bother Him, or even say why I am doing it..I don't need to draw attention to myself..'
Well I couldn't say, could I, He wouldn't have anything to do with me if I said what was wrong & all the people around would step back, being as I am unclean & I just couldn't deal with that on top of everything else. But I could go, I could just touch His cloak. Everyone knew that there would be crowds surrounding Him, no-one need ever know, but I would be healed if I could touch His cloak.
I'm not sure how I knew that or even why I was so sure. Like I said, it was something that grew inside me, a conviction that wouldn't go away, wouldn't be assuaged, ironically similar to my problem!
So, the day came, I joined the crowd, gradually working my way forward towards Jesus. His disciples couldn't even keep people a distance from Him, it was really a wonder He, they & all of us weren't crushed, but it suited my purpose. My one overriding purpose....to touch His cloak. He had Jairus with Him & they were on their way to Jairus' house. I knew his little girl was sick, so I guessed He was going to heal her. Gradually I got closer, closer, missed several times as another arm jostled mine to touch Him, but then, I did it, I touched His cloak!
The world stood still for a minute as the crowd carried on without me. I stood still because I knew I'd been healed. I knew within my body, within my mind, within my heart I was healed. I knew it every bit as certainly I had known I would be if I could only touch His cloak.
I realised then that the crowd had stopped moving & Jesus Himself was asking a question.
'Who touched my cloak?'
My heart was in my mouth, I was certain He meant me.
I didn't know how He knew, but He did know. His disciples began to protest, telling Him that many people had touched Him, the crowd was all around Him. Still He looked, He kept looking over heads, over & over & then I realised I'd have to say it was me. I really didn't want to, I really just wanted to go home, clean & healed.
I knew as His gaze began to move over towards me I had to own up. I had to say it was me. Ok, well I had no idea what I was going to say, I was terrified, but I fell at His feet. The pain, the anguish & all the upset of twelve years poured out of me as I told Him why & how I'd just known if I touched His cloak, I'd be healed & I was healed. He had healed me.
He bent down & lifted my head, oh so gently & tenderly. The look of love & acceptance in His eyes was so powerful it swept away all my fear & worry. He wasn't going to berate me. He wasn't angry at all with me.
Then, He spoke. To me!
What He said will stay with me forever 'Daughter, your faith & trust in Me has healed you. Go now, do not fear this will return, continue in your healing.' I can't describe how He spoke or explain just how different it seemed from anyone else who had ever spoken to me, but His words, His way, was more the defining moment in my life than even being healed, or at least it seemed so to me in that moment.
Since then, well, I have my life back. Where before there was pain & I just kept my head down & did what I could, keeping myself to myself, now, it was as though sunshine had entered into my life. When He had lifted my head, it was as though He had done so for all the rest of my life. I could hold my head high now, I could live life to the full. I think in the Scriptures King David wrote that 'He is my glory & the lifter of my head.' I claim that too for I knew it to be true. He was. He is & always will be.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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